Obesity and You

We’ve heard every argument in the book for why people are fat. All reasons except ‘they love apple fritters’. Now were not talking about a few pounds here and there, were talking about the guys and gals who come down the street and leave potholes behind them. Were talking Chris Farley fat. We think we figured out the reason why they’re so fat, and it’s because we reward them.

Now, there’s no violation of rights to discriminate against someone because they have more mass than a bison. But instead of telling obese folk ‘you’re too big’, we give them the best of the best. Case in point? Canucks game the other night. There was a big boy sitting up in the 300′s and we’re talking big boy. The kind of size that reminds you of the three boob chick from total recall or Bitch Tit Bob. Actually, no he was bigger than Bob.

Long story short, Free Willy couldn’t fit into his seat in the upper bowl, so arena staff got him a chair took him down to ice level and sat him behind Roberto Luongo. How can this guy convince himself to lose a 100 pounds when it’ll cost him the best seat in the house? Seriously?

You look at planes, they get seats right up front, transit – people give them elderly seats. I once saw a ninety year old grandmother give Fat Bastard from Austin Powers her seat. The shame on my face when his one ass cheek ate that seat. We need to adjust our attitude towards fattys, why not give that guy a seat in the handicapped section? And a salad?

Pretty soon these chubbys are going to take over the city like in ghostbusters and we’ll have nothing to protect us from their insatiable appetites. It’ll be a world filled with carbohydrates and empty mars bar wrappers. Save yourself.