Daddy Circumcisions at Home

No, it’s not the latest Eli Roth movie, nor is it, one of those bloodless, almost pain free operations they’re always going on about on the radio. It’s 235 times crazier than that.

Let’s take you back to 2007, when a father laid sonny boy down on a bunch of garbage bags on the kitchen floor, after giving him some honey wine, to chill him out a little. Then scared the absolute fuck out of him by cutting away his foreskin with a razor.
Quick question, what do you buy this guy for Fathers Day?

As the son cried, the man covered said cuts with Wonder Dust, a blood coagulant for horses (quick answer: not Wonder Dust!).

Now, you may be wondering how did this man convince his child to even start taking a part of this. Well, he told the boy, that he’d get ‘extra special protection from God’ (obviously!), Passover lamb, ice cream, and to pick all of the movies he wanted for a week.
Now, if you’re taking a razor blade to someones kibble and bits, you better be promising movies for a month! AND, if that ice cream isn’t chocolate chip mint, there’ll be hell to pay!

The father mid procedure, wasn’t satisfied with how things were going, so he took the boy to the emergency room, where the procedure was finished. The father thought he knew what he was doing. You see, he tried the same thing on himself a few years back, using Band-Aids, peroxide, gauze and a clear plastic ring. That attempt got him an infected penis. This attempt got him a year in prison this week, and two years probation. The guys in cell block 5 must be ecstatic this guy is coming to town. He’s like Dr. McGyver!