10 Things We Hate About the Skytrain

Translink and the transit system and services that are delivered throughout the Lower Mainland get constant grief. While, we don’t feel sorry for them, we definitely feel that poor leadership throughout the years without a consistent vision has held the cities back. If you’ve ever traveled anywhere in the world, at least to major cities around the world, the transit service is pretty comprehensive. Montreal, New York, London, Paris, Tokyo, all are pretty strong transportation systems. In those cities, it’s not totally crazy to not own a car. The little bits in between stops, commuters have the option of walking,buses, or cabs.

So, here in no particular order, are the ten things we hate about the skytrain. We’re sure you have a few as well.

1. Where it touches – No, we’re not talking about some of the passengers on the train, we’re talking about how far it reaches and connects. Why it doesn’t extend into further off the VCC line, or why it doesn’t enter Guildford, Fleetwood, or Langley, is beyond me.

2. Where it stops – The layout of the stops aren’t the best, there’s a lot of places that we want to visit, and think about taking skytrain to, but then realise that we’d have to walk another 30 minutes in the other direction, uphill, barefoot, on broken glass…

3. ‘Your attention please, this is skytrain control..’ – When you hear those seven words, it usually means that we’ve lost control. It means that when you thought you’d just make it in for work, you’ll be late. When you thought you could get there a little early, you’ll be just on time. A little piece of you inside hopes the next words are could John Doe please meet your party at…

4. ‘Skytrain security’ – We think secretaries may be a better suited term for these guys and gals. Never before have I seen a group of individuals who are supposed to maintain peace and diffuse situations, stand by so often. You almost expect them to be holding a stop sign in one hand, and a cigarette in the other. Useless.

5. The Smells – It’s funny you could go at 11am or 11pm, and you still run a strong chance that you’ll walk into a wall of smell. From body odor, to cigarette smoke, to under/overcooked food, alcohol, or that old familiar, musty, ‘that don’t belong here’ smell. It’s all present, and at times may make you stagger.

6. Young girls and cellphones – Holy shit, how many conversations must be made public? Young girls seem to love to show that one, they own a cell phone, and two, they have someone to call. Every conversation has an OMG, and every conversation has more than a few F-Bombs. Of course, none of this is done at whisper, life after all is a broadcast. ‘ Oh my god, Krista said what?!’

7. ‘Senior citizens’ – Call me an asshole, whatever. If you’re running up to the train before the door closes, and I mean, running, you don’t qualify to ‘steal’ another persons seat. I don’t know how many old dudes I’ve seen running with their cane more as a nightstick, then when they get into the train, they hold their back and look at you. Who the fuck told you to go all Usain Bolt on the way into this thing? Lean against the door, Main Street’s coming.

8. ‘Singers/Talkers’ – There are those who see the train as a stage, and you are their audience. They’ll sing about Jesus, or they’ll talk to themselves about how rude someone was. Newsflash people, no one really gives a shit.

9. Drug Addicts – Sure, they provide entertainment, and sure they’re victims, but sometimes, it’s just like, ‘get the fuck away from me’. We can’t count how many people we’ve seen slowly falling over, half asleep, in rundown clothes, or eating nacho cheese straight from the jar with their fingers, or tweaking and bleeding. It’s uncomfortable, not clean, and just not necessary.

10. Germs – How many other places can you think of where as soon as you step inside, you’re thinking, I’m going to need to Purell the shit out of my hands. You start thinking of the closest sanitary station or washroom. We’ve seen it all, from blood everywhere, people licking and spitting on the bars you hold, people throwing up, and some people simply being. On some rides, it’s as if air itself will make you sick.

We gotta go now, we’ve got a train to catch.